the new road rage!

I have to confess something: I have a bit of road rage.

I’m not the type of person to step on the gas and chase you down because you just cut me off or anything like that, but I guarantee I’ll be saying mean things about you in the safety of my car.

Most of the time I get angry about people doing stupid, inconsiderate things. There are general guidelines we’re all supposed to follow and it’s not that hard to figure them out. The people who think they’re above them or blatantly ignore something are not only annoying but unsafe.

I think that every driver should have a set of flash cards that they can show someone to let them know when they’ve done something that strikes them. Here are 5 that I think are extremely important:


Passive aggressive, yes. Effective, probably. Lately I’ve noticed that more and more people must be under the impression that indicators are the appendix of the automobile: they’re there, they do things that catch your attention sometimes, but no one quite knows why we have them. Not so, fellow drivers! It’s a weird thing but they’re actually called indicators because they indicate our intentions. I know, I know, don’t mention it.


When I’m stopped at a crosswalk or stop sign and there is a pedestrian crossing in front of me, more often than not they glance at me and then run across the street. Not necessary. You have the right of way, I’m not going to hit you and at the end of the day I can afford to wait because I can make up the ten seconds you caused me to stop by increasing my speed by two kilometres an hour. Now, don’t take advantage of it by doing something stupid like crawling or trying to get your Beatles Penny Lane walk just right. It’s not the time. Otherwise, walk away!


If you live in Toronto or have driven in Toronto, you get this. I’m pretty sure that Beck cabs only hire drivers that complete a driving obstacle course and the more pylons you hit, the better. Reserve this sign for when someone does something unexpected and ridiculous. Did that van just make a sudden u-turn in front of you, but was unable to complete it and is now doing a three-point turn in the middle of the busiest intersection in the city? Beck cab them. Did that sedan just hit their brakes (hard) for no reason other than to see if they’re working? Beck cab them. Wow, you just saw a Mini Cooper make a right turn from the left lane! You should Beck cab them.


You must have the “bud” in this one to make sure they know you’re being sarcastic. Otherwise you’ll just become part of the problem by enabling their bad driving. Add the “not” in there just to make sure they understand. Some people still don’t know their shapes and confuse octagons with triangles and don’t know they’re supposed to stop rather than yield. This sign will help! Just hold it up, and make sure they see you. Make eye contact and blast “Stop” by the Spice Girls, just to drive it home.


Some people are just good drivers. They let people in, they don’t drive too aggressively and they might speed a little but not dangerously. Compliment them for this, they deserve it.


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