“i wonder how many people i’ve looked at all my life and never seen.” – steinbeck

There is a moment every morning when the sun begins to shine through the dewy leaves, stretching its glimmering fingers past that green canopy and reaching my window. The rays hit my window and disperse through the lace residing on the other side. Through all of these barriers, those beams of sunlight still manage to reach my floor, my bed, my sleeping face.

And when I turn around in bed to face that window and open my eyes, I smile back at its constancy, its unrelenting need to reach its way into my sleepy existance.

There is a certain beauty to its showy display of setting the sky aflame every night and then, just when the night has become too dark, its slow, creeping rising begins to announce itself on the horizon.

It’s like it knows that while we are sleeping, dreaming, tossing and turning, somewhere in the back of our minds we’re wondering if the sun will ever come back again. At that precise moment it whispers, “You doubt me. Now watch me.”

I have underestimated my ability. I have underestimated my intelligence, my heart, and my soul. I have underestimated the deep-rooted nature of my being. I have underestimated my resiliance.

I know now that we are all like the sun. We ebb and flow, sink and rise with the waves of change that run through our bodies.

We leave everything behind in a blaze of glory just to return again with a brand new dawn.

I have a heart that is all at once fickle and determined, strong yet soft. It cares for those that enter its life and is willing to break itself to keep another whole. It wants what it wants, refusing to allow the rest of who I am to forget about it. It loves with fury and an unrelenting hunger for others to love it too. It is housed in a shelter of distance, sharp remarks and an unwavering determination to prove how strong it is.

This shelter is no different from the turtle’s shell; you just need to turn it over to expose how soft it really is.

Our skin is just a shelter, merely a container for all that we have and all that we are. It is within these walls that the very essence of ourselves resides.

That essence is our sun, ever-setting, ever-rising.

And it is this, when doubted, that will never die.

Now watch me.

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