The following is a list of ten questions that should be socially acceptable to give to any potential suitor on a first date.
I guarantee their answers to these questions will tell you all you need to know.
1. What is the most amount of times you can wear a tshirt without washing it while remaining socially acceptable?
2. You’ve just been diagnosed with a fatal disease (shit, eh?). If you tell your loved ones that this is happening, you will have three months to live. If you never tell anyone this is happening (and I mean ever), you have three years to live. Take your pick. Oh, and if you try to cheat the system by telling everyone in two years and nine months you get transported back to the day you find out and everyone else forgets what you told them, you sneaky bugger.
3. Your parents just offered to pay your rent until they kick the bucket! Do you accept?
4. I’m the love of your life. Don’t argue, just accept. The only catch is that every six months I get possessed by Bono from U2 and I speak only in U2 lyrics in the voice of Bono. This lasts for two weeks and three days. Is it worth it?
5. You have the opportunity to go into the mountains and chat with Bigfoot or head to Scotland to have a spot of tea with Nessie. What do you pick?
6. Your best friend has taken to calling you “bro” at all times. Is this okay with you? If it is okay, do you participate in the “bro”-ing?
7. I’m buying myself a bathing suit and I text you a picture of myself in an Ed Hardy ensemble that I’m 99% sure I’m going to purchase, complete with rhinestones and skulls. What do you say?
8. There’s a knock on your door. You open it and David Hasselhoff and John Cleese are standing in front of you and tell you that they have time travelling powers which they are going to use on you. However, you can only go one of two places: to the peak of popularity of either Baywatch or Monty Python, at which point you will assume the role that they played, complete with all the fame and perks that were associated with that. Do you pick bathing suits or flying circuses?
9. We’re texting. Casual messages, nothing important. I end a text with “lulz”. This causes a ______ reaction.
10. I just said “I love you” for the first time. You’re not ready to say it yet, despite being absolutely and totally enthralled with me (naturally). How do you respond?
I know what my preferred answers are… what would yours be?