feel it.

Haven’t you ever just wanted to scream in the middle of a public place? It doesn’t matter where you are or how you’ve been triggered – what matters is that you’re feeling pent up and you need to let it out. One half of your brain is telling you to give in to the feeling while the other half is trying to keep you rational. It takes all you have in you to keep it in.

I envy babies and very young children for their ability to let it all out. They don’t care why they’re crying, they don’t have the sensor in their brain to differentiate silly triggers and serious triggers so they just cry. They wail and scream and break down, completely giving in to the emotion. They also laugh with abandon and say whatever they feel necessary to say. The adults around them respond to these displays of passion, giving them what they need in order to feel satiated be it food, sleep, or a hug. As we get older, however, it is deemed inappropriate for us to act in such unhinged ways and we are slowly taught to display our emotions in a calmer fashion. At some point we are taught to display them as minimally as possible.

I find it funny that we still enjoy movies and books and songs that rely on us responding in an emotional way. We need to connect to the characters, the words, the notes, in order to get something out of it. We need to allow our emotions to be handed over for awhile and manipulated slightly for enjoyment. In a world where it is often frowned upon to open up freely, this form of entertainment seems like it would slowly be taken away.

Or maybe we just enjoy that we can watch someone else be the crazy wailing bitch for one hundred and twenty minutes and live vicariously through her unrefined emotional nature.

I’m not saying we should all be a crazy wailing bitch every time we feel the need to be one. I know firsthand that screaming and yelling and crying are not conducive to healthy, productive discussions. But you can’t deny that it feels good to give in sometimes, right? Once in awhile you just have to crumple, letting the weight of everything you’ve carried and felt press you down until you feel flatter and smaller than you’ve ever felt, letting it consume you in its power. Once in awhile you have to respect your emotions and the way you feel. It might last a minute, it might last an hour, it might last a few days, but on the other side you feel better for it. You need to process it, feel it, let it run through your veins and become you. Once in awhile you just need to scream.

Lately I’ve had every type of emotion run through me at full force. I’ve been sad, angry, lonely, elated, and desolate. I’ve had people around me who have been there without question, there to pick me up, there to be a friend when I least expected it. I’ve had that because I’ve given in. Because I’ve said that I’m sad, angry, lonely, elated, or desolate. It’s shown me that, when you ask, people are willing to let you scream in a public place. They’re willing to let you feel it. They’re willing to let you crumple. The world isn’t as hard as we make it out to be. It’s full of lovely, willing humans with lovely, willing hearts. And I know I’m going to be okay, not just now but for the rest of my life, because I know that one reassuring fact.

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